Back to blogging (again)!

I have been thinking about getting back to this blog for the last few days, but just now I saw this entry from Kerri at SixUntilMe and it touched a chord. I still have my fear of hypos and one of the parts of my fear is to do with people thinking I'm weird or a nutter if they see me having a hypo. But watching Kerri's video has made me realise that non-diabetics probably wouldn't even notice. Thanks Kerri, I don't need to be so self-conscious.

As a quick update, it turned out the raised prolactin level was caused by the domperidone. I came off it and everything returned back to normal, in fact i am more regular now than I have ever been! I now take erythromycin for the gastroparesis, and (touch wood) have not had any vomitting episodes for 18 months.

Hubby is doing well, all his check-ups are clear which is such a relief.

And we have a new family member, Susie, a 4 year old Golden Labrador that we got from Labrador Rescue 4 weeks ago tomorrow


I will go and check in with the blogs I used to follow and see what you have all been up to, and talk to you again soon.

something positive

Yesterday morning, I didn't fart about with my breakfast insulin. I took some up front and extended the rest, BUT I did it before I ate, instead of waiting to see if the bg levels went up first. And guess what? Nothing bad happened!! Now I just have to remember that.

I also had a bit of a low yesterday evening. The bg was 6.8 (64) but I felt low because I've been so high lately. Anyway, I didn't panic and take Lucozade, I had a few Pringles instead (yummy) and it slowly went up. I felt a bit shaky for 15 minutes or so, but distracted myself with Big Brother and it went off.

What was I THINKING?????

I realise that all my posts up to now are kind of on the negative side. So I apologise in advance that this one is going to be along the same lines. However, after this one I will pull myself together and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!

Anyway I just wanted to talk about how stupid I am..........

I have high blood sugars. Fact.
I need to get them down. Fact.

What did I do this morning? Wait for it.........

I woke up at 9am with a bg of 12.8 (230). What would you do? Correct the high, right? Not me. I have a worry that my gastroparesis will kick in and not absorb my breakfast, so I eat first. I then wait 45 minutes until my bg is now 15.5 (279). Now I take a 2 units bolus plus 2 extended over 45 minutes!!!! This has no correction bolus built in, and is probably not enough to cover the carb in the porridge anyway. I then go out to the Post Office and back a walk of twenty minutes tops. When I get back I test again, still around 15. I fancy a biscuit so I take 2 units and eat 20g carbs.
Half an hour later bg is 13.5 (243). Instead of thinking "oh good its coming down", I think, "Oh god its coming down, I'll keep an eye on it."
Another 20 minutes, bg 12.9 (232)
Another half hour, bg 11.3 (203)

Inside my head, "Oh no, the biscuit didn't absorb, my gastro is playing up, the insulin is in and going to keep working until I drop to zero, panic, panic, panic, drink Lucozade, NOW!!!"

So I did!!!!!!!!!

Guess what? 20 minutes have passed and I'm up to 13.1 (235). What a surprise!!!! My stomach is fine, I wasn't going to die, I'm not panicking.

This is how my mind works all the time at the moment. What am I doing to myself acting this way? More importantly, how do I get over it?

Other diabetes blogs - friend or foe?

Over the last week or so, since I decided to blog about my diabetes, I have been checking out other people's. There are some good ones out there and some of the ones I like I have listed in my sidebar so I can find them again easily.

What I'm not sure about is if it is a good idea to read other people's blogs or not.

On the one hand, it is wonderful to know that there are other people out there who are going through the same as you. People who understand the ups and downs, and who also have them too. I used to think I was the only person without a HbA1c of 6.5 or less, or who was frightened of lows. I now know I'm not. This is very reassuring. It is also lovely to get comments on my blog from total strangers who are very friendly and helpful. This is only my 5th post and I have already had 9 comments. Thank you to all who have left them.

On the other hand, I have been reading about things that have possibly made me a bit more nervous about my condition. People passing out and waking up in the hospital for instance. This is one of my worst fears (apart from not waking up at all!!) and to be reminded that it does happen is probably not something I want to read. I have never passed out from a hypo, probably because I keep my sugars too high on purpose, and check far too many times a day.

There are also the people who are really good at being a diabetic and it makes me feel bad that I am struggling so much with it.

I will keep reading though, because as my husband says, these people are still around to blog about it, they did recover from these hypos. And I will too.

The homing diabetic

When I have a low blood sugar or feel I'm going to have one, I become like a pigeon. I get an overwhelming urge to get home. In the most direct line possible with no distractions.

This afternoon I went to get my blood tests done at the hospital for my review in 2 weeks time. When I left work at 2.45pm my bg was 13.0 (234). I didn't correct because
1. I was about to drive,
2. I was going to be walking to the hospital in about half an hours time, and
3. My bloods tend to fall later in the afternoon anyway. (I need to recheck and sort out the basals).

At 3.15pm it was 10.1 (182). I walked over to the hospital and had the blood taken, and then checked again. 7.5 (135). A drop of 5.5 (99) in an hour. Although I wasn't hypo I started to feel very anxious and took some Lucozade. I just wanted to get home, before the hypo hit if it was going to. How MAD is that?? I was INSIDE a hospital, and I wanted to get home. The hospital was full of doctors and nurses and I was 50 meters from the diabetes dept. My house was a 15 minute walk away and empty! But I left, and headed home. Part way I went in to collect a prescription in the supermarket pharmacy, and checked my bg which was now 8.7 ( 157). Good, going up.

What is this urge to be at home? I guess I see it as my "safe place". I am in control there, and know where everything is, and that it is mine. And my husband is usually there too. But to rather go there, than stay in a hospital for a quarter of an hour longer, what is that all about?

That is an interesting word though - control. I shall revisit that at a later date.............