Housework

Last night I caught the beginning of Grumpy Old Women on TV . A load of "celeb" middle aged women moaning about how they have to do everything otherwise it won't get done. Work, running the house, ferrying kids around, cooking, cleaning etc, and that there just aren't enough hours in the day!!

I am not a typical woman. Granted I don;t have kids to run around after, but I certainly don't get myself worked up about housework. I have a wonderful husband who pulls his weight (most of the time he pulls far more than his fair share, I'll admit). My house isn't dirty, its just not as tidy and dust free as "the perfect housewife" would have it. But I'm not bothered.

However, my comments about this elicited a conversation with said husband where he expressed a wish that I would do a little bit more seeing as I am home most of the time. So...........off I went to the supermarket this morning where I purchased a bottle of Cillit Bang and proceeded to clean the bath within an inch of its life.

When I had finished I felt knackered and physically sick, and my blood sugar had plummeted. Not to hypo levels but much lower than I am generally used to. This sparked off an anxiety attack, and I am now left feeling awful.

If that's what housework does for you, you can damn well keep it!!!

Swine flu jab

So if I'm going to be famous and have lots of new readers (!!) I'd better update more often.

I am just wasting time this morning before I go to the GP to have my ears syringed. Nice! I am completely blocked in BOTH ears! It is most annoying, I had to turn the TV up twice as loud yesterday evening just so I could hear it at normal level. I've been using drops for over a week now and it hasn't shifted it.

For those of you who haven't had your swine flu jab yet, it's fine. I had it last week and although my arm was sore for two days afterwards, I've had no ill effects. I've already had the usual flu jab too, which I do every year. So, if you are dithering, DON'T. Go and have it! Isn't it best to be safe?

Prolactin

After not menstruating for 7 months (and not being pregnant) my GP took some blood tests and apparently my prolactin level is through the roof. This explains my lack of periods and there is a chance it is caused by a growth on the pituitary gland. She reassured me that this would be benign, but I am going for an MRI scan on 25th April to see if that is what is causing it.

It can also be caused by domperidone which I take for my gastroparesis.

Anyone else had this experience or symptoms?

I am seeing an endo on 2nd April to see if they can shed any light on things.

Ulgh, where does the time go.

Well circumstances have gotten in the way a bit lately and so I have had to postpone my operation for a month. I will now be going on 28th September. At least it is not something urgent that needs to be sorted out. And I'm only getting it done so that I can knit again!!

My husband is currently having some tests which are a bit scary and have taken up a lot of our thinking time, hence the blogging break. Hopefully we will be getting some good news on that front at the end of the week. Can't say anymore until then.

Bugger the diabetes, its my birthday!!

Sod the diabetes for today, its my birthday and I only have one more year in my thirties! I've been out and had a big frothy Starbucks cappucino, then had a french stick with roasted peppers and feta cheese. And I've had some chocolate too! And last night we went out for a meal and I shared Colin's rhubarb and ginger sponge with cream. Deeeee-lish!!

Back on the wagon tomorrow.

morning basals this time

After yesterdays night time basal testing I decided to check my morning ones. I didn't go to work, just pottered around the house and kept an eye on them.....

5am - 9.9 (178)
8am - 6.9 (124)
9am - 6.4 (115)
10am - 5.8 (104)
10.30am 4.9 (88)

At this point I stopped and had something to eat as I was feeling a bit wonky. I'm a bit confused about the drop between 5am and 8am as this didn't happen yesterday. I didn't take a correction bolus at 5 am but I did take half a unit before bed, but I would have thought that would have all gone before 5am.

At 10.30am I ate 20g of carb with no bolus and at 1pm my bg was 10.4 (187). I didn't half enjoy my lunch though, I was starving!!! So my conclusion is that my breakfast bolusing is causing me problems as I will get a huge spike after breakfast. I need to get over the fear that the insulin is going to work before the food is absorbed, and take more up front.

Do I need to adjust any basals though, going on these past two days results? My instinct would be to reduce by 0.1 between 9-10am. Any suggestions gratefully received!

hands and floods

I went to the physio yesterday about my hands. I have been referred on now to the orthopaedic surgeons. So I have another wait for another appointment. The physio thinks that the little finger would respond to a steroid injection but that the high blood sugars that I run would make them think twice about giving it because it can raise the bgs even higher causing ketosis. The thumb however, will probably need surgery. Hmmm. It will be a day procedure if it happens though.

I have decided that I would probably go completely to pieces in a natural disaster. In the UK we have been having some dreadful flooding and on Friday we were almost caught in it. We were travelling down the country to visit a friend and about half way we got involved in the flooding. Luckily we turned around and headed back home before it got too bad, but the area where we were is now completely cut off. While we were in it, I got in a right old panic, and felt trapped in the car, with visions of going hypo and passing out and emergency vehicles not being able to get to me! I didn't tell my husband it was this bad but looking at my face told him enough to turn the car round. Just imagine if I actually had been cut off, what a state I would have been in. We are lucky really here in that we don't get massive extremes of weather like other places in the world, but with global warming it is only going to get worse.

Or is this just a case of me worrying about something else that probably will never happen to me?

Ravenous!

I am so hungry at this moment. I am basal testing and haven't eaten since 8am. It is now 3.30pm. I am trying to test my lunch/afternoon basals and it seems to be going okay so far, currently sitting at 8.4 (151) but I am expecting a drop anytime soon as the last couple of days I have been low around dinnertime. Low for me that is.....5.0 (90) yesterday and 4.8 (86) on Sunday. I have had hypo symptoms because I have been running high for so long and my body has readjusted itself. Therefore it feels a low at a slightly higher level than it should. Ok by me though. And they have been easily dealt with, with a couple of glucose sweets and a biscuit.


My sugars have been better since last Friday, but not for any reason really. I haven't changed any basal rates as yet, no extra exercise. I have been bolusing slightly differently but nothing major. And yet my bg meter 7 day average has come down from 13.3 (239) to 11.5 (207) in 4 days. A long way to go I know, but its a start.

Ok, it is now evening (8.30pm) and the testing went well. I did drop down as far as 5.5 (90) by about 4.50pm and had a sandwich cos I felt a bit wobbly. I'm now wondering which basals to change, if any. Here are my results.........
12:00 - 9.3 (167)
1:00 - 9.6 (173)
2:00 - 9.2 (165)
3:00 - 8.4 (151)
4:00 - 6.2 (111)
5:00 - 5.5 (90)
Bearing in mind I have had lows for 3 days in a row sometime between 5pm and 6pm. Any suggestions?

Blast from the past

Look what I found yesterday in my old diabetes supplies drawer........ an original Novopen, and my blood test meter from the late 80's!! There's a blast from the past.

Just incase Drea pops over for a look, this is my ID bracelet that I commented about on your blog.

Party!

On Saturday night I went to a surprise party for my ex-boss's retirement. It was great because he didn't have a clue, everyone had managed to keep it completely secret for months.

I don't usually do "dressing up" but I had bought myself a nice dress and some sparkly shoes. Hmmm, what about the pump? I thought. I got onto Roche and ordered a thigh pouch and it was perfect, no unsightly bulges. I didn't actually dance because we had to leave quite early, but I'm sure if I had, it would have been perfectly secure. I want to use it all the time now but it doesn't really go with trousers. I'll just have to do "dressing up" more often!

Here is a pic of me (with my new hair colour) and my friend Bex.

Off to the hospital

I am off to the hospital for my appointment with Dr. W. this afternoon. I'm dreading it, as I'm in a bit of a mess with everything diabetes and I don't know what he will say. He threatened to "bring me in for a week" last time I was there. In other words stay on a ward for a week and get sorted out. I don't fancy that idea.

Anyway, before i go, I am going to the hairdresser's to have a colour put in my hair as I am going to a "do" on Saturday night for my ex-boss's retirement. It is a surprise party, and he hasn't got a clue!!

This what I look like now and I'll post an after pic aswell.

Postie just brought me some pump supplies, but he didn't bring the thigh pouch I ordered, which I will need for Saturday to wear under a long dress I have bought. I hope it gets here on time or I'll have to have a think where to put my pump.

Right I'm off to the hairdresser then..........

Diabetes daily

I have just had my blog added to the Diabetes Daily site. Hopefully I'll get a few more visitors now. If you have come over from there, please feel free to leave me a comment, thanks.

Oh Bum!!!

I just went to get my results from my GP to take to my clinic appointment next Thursday.....

HbA1c = 11.3

Oh bum!!!

I knew it would be something like that but its still a bummer when you get it back on the official bit of paper. The last one in April was 10.5. I am now worse than I was before I went on the pump 3 years ago. I need to give myself a serious talking to.

Other diabetes blogs - friend or foe?

Over the last week or so, since I decided to blog about my diabetes, I have been checking out other people's. There are some good ones out there and some of the ones I like I have listed in my sidebar so I can find them again easily.

What I'm not sure about is if it is a good idea to read other people's blogs or not.

On the one hand, it is wonderful to know that there are other people out there who are going through the same as you. People who understand the ups and downs, and who also have them too. I used to think I was the only person without a HbA1c of 6.5 or less, or who was frightened of lows. I now know I'm not. This is very reassuring. It is also lovely to get comments on my blog from total strangers who are very friendly and helpful. This is only my 5th post and I have already had 9 comments. Thank you to all who have left them.

On the other hand, I have been reading about things that have possibly made me a bit more nervous about my condition. People passing out and waking up in the hospital for instance. This is one of my worst fears (apart from not waking up at all!!) and to be reminded that it does happen is probably not something I want to read. I have never passed out from a hypo, probably because I keep my sugars too high on purpose, and check far too many times a day.

There are also the people who are really good at being a diabetic and it makes me feel bad that I am struggling so much with it.

I will keep reading though, because as my husband says, these people are still around to blog about it, they did recover from these hypos. And I will too.

Therapy

Over the last 18 years or so, I have had quite a bit of therapy.

It started with a session of hypnosis after my first hospital admittance with ketosis. This was about 3 years after my fear and anxiety started. While I was in the hospital waiting to be let out, a hypnotherapist came to see me and set up an appointment at my flat. I was convinced it wouldn't work. When he came he first tested my susceptibility. He made me think that my arm was really heavy, and when it came to lift it, I really couldn't. It was quite strange.

He then made me squeeze my hand tight, and did whatever he did so that if I felt anxious I could squeeze my hand and the feelings would go away. It kind of worked, if I wasn't in too anxious of a state, but if I was in full panic mode, all thoughts of squeezing my hand went out the window.

And this is how all the therapies I have tried since have gone. It's all fine and dandy deciding on what coping mechanisms you can use, and talking it all through with a therapist/psychologist in a calm way in their office, but when it comes down to the nitty gritty of a hypo (or even the thought of one), I completely forget all that, and panic! "Replace your negative thoughts with positive ones," they say. When I am having a panic attack, all I can think of is "Oh my God, Oh no, what am I gonna do, what if I pass out, what if I die, Oh God!!!!!!!!!!" Not really anything positive there, is there?

I have tried Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) - I get the theory, and the strategy of slowly exposing yourself to the thing you are scared of. But I'm too scared to do it!! So I don't get anywhere.

I tried Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR) - that was pretty successful, but as soon as I had a scare, it all went out the window again.

I tried hypnosis again recently, but was too wound up to relax, in case I went hypo during hypnosis even though I had made sure I wouldn't.

I am now going to have another go at CBT by working through this book, Mind Over Mood. It has had some good reviews.

The irony of the situation is that my husband is a clinical psychologist, he fixes other people all the time, but because he is too close to me, he can't be my therapist. It is VERY frustrating!!

History of my diabetes

Today I found a diabetes blog called Diabetes-Wise. It has inspired me to start this blog. For some reason I didn't think to look for any diabetes related blogs until today. Doh!! This one is very good from what I have read so far, I was almost brought to tears by one of the posts, and there are loads of links down the side to other blogs which I have yet to check out.

Anyway, my current situation is not good. I have "lost the plot" as they say. And it is all going on for far too long. A bit of history is required here methinks............

• February 1987 - diagnosed with IDDM aged 18. Started on one insulin injection per day. A few weeks later I went up to 2 injections per day. I was taught the basics of the "exchange system" of carb counting, ie 1 medium apple, 1 egg sized potato = 1 exchange, etc, eat 4 exchanges for breakfast, 6 at lunch blah blah. And snack, snack, snack!!
• June 1987 - retook the A-levels that I had failed the year before.
• October 1987 - went to university in Bangor, N. Wales and 2 days later met Colin. We have been together ever since. During this first year I would go to my hospital check-ups when I was home during the holidays and was told I was one of their better controlled diabetics.
• October 1988 - had a hypo during a lecture, and had to leave the room to sort it out. It went on for longer than any previous ones and in the end I had to ask my friend to come out of the lecture hall and go and see if she could get someone to help me. By pure luck she found a diabetic who brought me Ribena and sat with me until it went off. I never saw him again but I often think he was like a guardian angel.
• A few weeks later I had another hypo in another lecture and again left the room. I then began to get anxious in lectures, waiting for it to happen again, and my hypo phobia began to take hold. After Christmas I started missing lectures and by Easter I was having panic attacks and not leaving the house.
• I struggled through uni with the help of some wonderful friends who brought me lecture notes and I took my exams in sick bay, scraping a 2:2 in June 1990.
• I can't remember exactly when but I went onto MDI and insulin pens.
• Colin and I moved to Wrexham and I had to get a job. I started working in a cafe and then got a full time job in the Path Lab. I was deliberately keeping my blood sugars high to avoid hypos, by not taking enough insulin. I was anxious if the bgs went lower than 12.
• 1991 we moved back to Bangor and I got in touch with the diabetes nurses. They tried some drastic action by taking away my testing kit so that I wasn't able to check my sugars all the time as I was a bit obsessed. I had to go to them to get tested, luckily I worked in the hospital. (However, I didn't give them ALL my strips and had a secret stash that I used when I got in a panic!) That lasted about a couple of weeks.
• I saw a psychiatrist, who it turned out was diabetic, and he told me to carry a sweet in my pocket all the time. Derrrr, I carried enough sweets and lucozade to keep an army marching for weeks!!!
• 1994 - we got married.
• 1996 - we moved to Chester. The diabetes team did their best. I got referred to a clinical psychologist, who by coincidence had done his degree with Colin. He did cognitive behaviour therapy with me, but I was too frightened to do anything he told me to do, but I kept going back until he went to another job 2 years later.
• Around about this time I started getting retinopathy, and had laser treatment, which is ongoing on and off depending if I am stable at each 4 monthly visit. I also got high cholesterol and went onto statins.
• 2003 - We paid privately for me to see a psychotherapist who did EMDR. This was fairly successful and made me think about things in a different way. This also helped when I was given the go ahead for pump therapy in 2004.
• August 2004 - I went on the pump. It was a revelation and I thought the answer to all my problems. But no, the actual psychological problem of the fear and anxiety was still there. My HbA1cs did improve from 9.9 to 8.3.
• Meanwhile, I started to have unexplained bouts of vomiting and had a test which discovered I had gastroparesis. Sometimes my stomach just doesn't absorb the food in it, so my bgs drop dramatically. So I am now keeping my bgs high just incase the food I've just eaten doesn't absorb but the insulin is in and working. I am testing too many times, and my last HbA1c was 10.5. I'm due another one this week for my review in a couple of weeks. I know it will be even higher.
• I am going to be 39 in August and my biological clock is TICKING!!

So the situation is, to boil it down, I am scared of hypos and keep my bgs too high to avoid them. This is causing me problems with the onset of complications, ie gastroparesis and retinopathy, and preventing me from starting a family.

I started off using a Disetronic DtronPlus but have now upgraded to a Accu-Chek Spirit which has a few more features.

I am going to visit other people's blogs and leave comments in the hope that they will possibly be curious to have a read of mine and offer any insights into what I can do. Any help greatly appreciated, thanks.