I realise that all my posts up to now are kind of on the negative side. So I apologise in advance that this one is going to be along the same lines. However, after this one I will pull myself together and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!
Anyway I just wanted to talk about how stupid I am..........
I have high blood sugars. Fact.
I need to get them down. Fact.
What did I do this morning? Wait for it.........
I woke up at 9am with a bg of 12.8 (230). What would you do? Correct the high, right? Not me. I have a worry that my gastroparesis will kick in and not absorb my breakfast, so I eat first. I then wait 45 minutes until my bg is now 15.5 (279). Now I take a 2 units bolus plus 2 extended over 45 minutes!!!! This has no correction bolus built in, and is probably not enough to cover the carb in the porridge anyway. I then go out to the Post Office and back a walk of twenty minutes tops. When I get back I test again, still around 15. I fancy a biscuit so I take 2 units and eat 20g carbs.
Half an hour later bg is 13.5 (243). Instead of thinking "oh good its coming down", I think, "Oh god its coming down, I'll keep an eye on it."
Another 20 minutes, bg 12.9 (232)
Another half hour, bg 11.3 (203)
Inside my head, "Oh no, the biscuit didn't absorb, my gastro is playing up, the insulin is in and going to keep working until I drop to zero, panic, panic, panic, drink Lucozade, NOW!!!"
So I did!!!!!!!!!
Guess what? 20 minutes have passed and I'm up to 13.1 (235). What a surprise!!!! My stomach is fine, I wasn't going to die, I'm not panicking.
This is how my mind works all the time at the moment. What am I doing to myself acting this way? More importantly, how do I get over it?