Saturday, 30 June 2007

What was I THINKING?????

I realise that all my posts up to now are kind of on the negative side. So I apologise in advance that this one is going to be along the same lines. However, after this one I will pull myself together and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!

Anyway I just wanted to talk about how stupid I am..........

I have high blood sugars. Fact.
I need to get them down. Fact.

What did I do this morning? Wait for it.........

I woke up at 9am with a bg of 12.8 (230). What would you do? Correct the high, right? Not me. I have a worry that my gastroparesis will kick in and not absorb my breakfast, so I eat first. I then wait 45 minutes until my bg is now 15.5 (279). Now I take a 2 units bolus plus 2 extended over 45 minutes!!!! This has no correction bolus built in, and is probably not enough to cover the carb in the porridge anyway. I then go out to the Post Office and back a walk of twenty minutes tops. When I get back I test again, still around 15. I fancy a biscuit so I take 2 units and eat 20g carbs.
Half an hour later bg is 13.5 (243). Instead of thinking "oh good its coming down", I think, "Oh god its coming down, I'll keep an eye on it."
Another 20 minutes, bg 12.9 (232)
Another half hour, bg 11.3 (203)

Inside my head, "Oh no, the biscuit didn't absorb, my gastro is playing up, the insulin is in and going to keep working until I drop to zero, panic, panic, panic, drink Lucozade, NOW!!!"

So I did!!!!!!!!!

Guess what? 20 minutes have passed and I'm up to 13.1 (235). What a surprise!!!! My stomach is fine, I wasn't going to die, I'm not panicking.

This is how my mind works all the time at the moment. What am I doing to myself acting this way? More importantly, how do I get over it?

1 comment:

Donna said...

Hi Dee,
Don't worry about your posts being on the negative side. We all get that way. Mine was that way yesterday. That's part of being a diabetic. And it's good to let it out instead of keeping it all boggled up inside. So if you need to vent, this is a good place to do it.

I understand the "fear" thing. I have agoraphobia which actually means "fear of the marketplace" or in my case "anywhere except home." So fear is a part of our lives. Some of us just have a little more of it than others. I've had some embarrassing things happen to me out in public - nothing too serious, but it seemed that way to me at the time. Have you had a serious low before that has caused you to have this fear? Do you feel different when your blood sugars start descending? I used to "feel" better when mine was around 150, rather than at 120 - like it was supposed to. But since I've been on the pump, I actually have the feeling of an extreme high when I'm only around 150. It's weird, isn't it, how our blood sugars make us "feel"?

I know it's difficult, but you can get over this. You just have to make yourself do it. That's what they've told me. I try to go to the store by myself at least a few times a week - just because. And it really helps. It's not always easy, but nothing like this is ever very easy. Please keep us posted and I'll keep you in my prayers - that you'll be able to overcome this & I know you can.